Facing Reality
CMYA Helping Kids Get Back on Their Feet
By Nicole

My name is Nicole, and I am 15 years old. I grew up in a really nice middle class neighborhood and a nice home with a very loving mother and two sisters that were older. Mom and dad got divorced when I was 5. Mom has put herself through college so she could provide a good home for us to grow up in; and she did a great job of providing for us. Mom loved us very much and was always there for us. I was a good student, good daughter, good sister, and a good friend.

When I was 12 I went to a sleepover at my best friend's house down the street from where I live. My friend Jane lived with her grandparents, her mom and her mom's boyfriend (Bob). I knew that Jane's mom had used drugs and was trying to get better. I thought her mom's boyfriend was really nice. That night at the sleepover, Bob asked if we wanted to go out to his van in the street and listen to music. He had a really nice stereo. That was the first night I used methamphetamine. That was also the night I was raped for the first time. He was 42 years old and I was 12. I wanted to say something to someone, but who would believe me? I was a slut and a drug addict at 12. Speed became my God, my family, my best friend, and I would do anything for it. The night of the sleepover was not the last time I would use my body for drugs. It made me feel so cheap and dirty. It was a secret that I would keep for over a year.

After a few months of using, my mom became suspicious because of my weight loss, poor grades and really angry disposition. She surprised me with a drug test one night and I came clean - well, kind of. I told her I had been partying with friends and that I was going to stop because I did not like what it was doing to me. For the next several months I went from outpatient treatments to inpatient rehabs, and I was introduced to the program of Alcoholics Anonymous. The 12 steps and the fellowship of AA were absolutely amazing and showed me that I could get sober and live a good life one day at a time. But after 11 months of sobriety, I stopped working the program and drifted away from sober friends and back to the old using crowd. In a very short time I was hanging around with nothing but drug dealers and older men. One morning I came to in a sleazy motel bed with a 22-year- old man that was later described as a key dealer in the inner city. I wondered how I got there. Later that same day our motel room was raided by the authorities and all the older men were taken away. They found large quantities of drugs for sale, automatic weapons, and some really scary people. My mom came and got me and took me home. On the trip home I remember pondering how a smart, pretty girl like me from a good family could wind up in a crack house in North Hollywood. I was 14 years old, I weighed 85 pounds at 5'6", and my face and arms were covered with speed (meth) bumps and raw sores, and my hair was falling out.

I remembered the good times in sobriety. I remembered the things that they told me about honesty being the key to recovery. I had never told my mom or anyone else about the many times I was raped, or about the neighbor. I decided to give sobriety another shot. My mom put me in UCI Medical Center to detox and get some badly needed health and mental treatment. I remembered a man who talked to my school about teens in recovery, and he brought a panel of sober kids who shared their experiences and their hopes. I was so impressed. I wanted to get what they had. My mom called the number the man at the school had given to me and he introduced us to Coastal Mountain Youth Academy in San Juan Capistrano.

It was at CMYA that I found a safe place to get honest with myself and others. I shared all my secrets with my counselor, my group and my family. CMYA is a sober school and therapeutic program where the kids are happy and the staff is loving, understanding and caring. I finally got rid of all my secrets. It was there that I learned to be comfortable with who I am. It was there that I learned to love myself. I am gaining back trust and respect at home with my family and friends, and my grades are very good. I attend school regularly at CMYA, and I am on time every day. The wilderness program helped me to realize that I can do anything, and that trusting others and teamwork is vital in life. I want to graduate early, attend college and be a counselor. I know I can and I will achieve my goals if I work an honest program, stay close to sober women in AA, and stay at CMYA.

Today I am a responsible and productive member of society. I am a good daughter, sister and friend. I am Nicole. I am 15 years old, and I have six months of sobriety.

(Winter 2007)